CHRISTMAS MIMEO 2010
There has been a noticeable decline in the number of Mimeos we receive during the Christmas season. One of the reasons for this decline might be that our own Mimeo efforts have been, for the last several years, spotty. Another might be that pretty nearly anyone born after 1955 has no idea of what a mimeo is. I'm guessing, though, that the real reason for the decline is that your own efforts are stifled by the lack of a template or outline to help focus your thoughts and your year so the Mimeo you produce and distribute measures up to those you receive. In an attempt to alleviate this perceived problem I'm busy, on the day after Thanksgiving, drafting this interesting and informative document which can be used as a template for your own Mimeo.
Section I. - Bragging About Work
(This first section is not the most important part of the Mimeo so it should be first. In it, in fewer than 250 words, you will puff anything good and diminish everything else pertaining to your work.)
Two thousand ten (twenty-ten) has been great for us, jobwise. Sam/Dor revolutionized dental hygiene by developing a technique that allows patients to answer questions and to visit about family while having their teeth cleaned. She continues to LOVE her work and once again has pushed back retirement plans for at least another year. During the year her A&C business again acquired over 1.600 items and she came in under her $300.00 acquisition budget. Jon put up 17,502 perfect bales of hay, fed out 17,495 perfect bales and collected and recycled all 52,485 strings, even going so far as to reclaim one from half way down a hungry calf's throat. For the 14th consecutive year nothing broke, every calf was born on a sunny afternoon on dry ground, and even after Jon got knocked into the canal by a protective mom, she realized her mistake and charged right in and shoved him out the other side so he wouldn't drown.
Section II. - Bragging About Kids, Grandkids, Pets
(Some think this is the most important section of the Mimeo and place it right in the heart of the document. Here, puffing is a weak descriptor. Grossly exaggerating may be more accurate, so don't hold back.)
Our grandson, Jack, celebrated his second birthday by signing an eight figure contract to play for the 49ers and then nullified it when the Giants, immediately after sewing up the Series in five, offered him an eight and a half figure, guaranteed contract to play, beginning in the 2025 season. But he's still our little Jack and spends most of his day simply being better than your Grands. Sid and Elizabeth keep him well grounded by demanding that he regularly attend his Tidwell AP pre-pre-school classes and that he put his head under the water in his Super Dolphin swimming classes.
Section III. - Bragging about Travel and Entertainment
(It's hard to go where no one else has gone and once you've met Harry Connick, Jr. what's left to do in the entertainment world? But you should try to think of such a place and such a show so your Christmas Mimeo Recipients [CMR's] will know it's futile to try to one-up you.)
In February, after enduring months of reduced sunshine and feeding in the mud, Sam/Dor and I escaped to Atlantis for a warm and quiet week of relaxation. Getting there was half the fun. You can imagine the agents she went through when Sam/Dor called to book. "Oh, sure, we can get you on Delta to Atlanta through Salt Lake City." "Why would you want to go clear to Atlantic City when I can get you a $199.00 round trip to Vegas and a free night at the Bellagio?" She finally found The Little Mermaid's agent and he set it up right away.
Section IV. - Humble Bragging
(This is by far the hardest section to write, not because it's hard to be humble, it's not. What's hard is to out humble some of your CMR's who have made careers of being humble. Every year it seems someone has received a simply colossal kindness or given what is nearly impossible to imagine giving. Practice will help.)
Finally, 2010 has been a year for us to make others weep. We are SO thankful for our health, its fullness shown by Sam/Dor running 14 ultra marathons to raise money for those folks who don't have enough stuff to hold a garage sale. She received contributions equal to $8.9 million (retail), which allowed her recipients to pocket $74.30 each in garage sale equivalents. Jon continued his long history of giving back by offering a bouquet of fresh flowers to each cow as she calved. After all these years it's still a curiosity that some cows ignore the kindness and some eat it.
Section V. - Summing Up
(This should be a fairly succinct statement of how the experiences of your year made you a better person, certainly better than anyone on your Mimeo list, and probably in the 1st percentile Nationally.)
All considered, 2010 was one of our better years. We commiserate with you who have felt the pinch of the economic downturn. And though it has left us completely unaffected, nay, even left us better off, we understand and even feel your pain. We hope 2011 will be even better, at least for us.
So there you have it, five sections to a highly competitive Christmas Mimeo. I'm certain, though, that some of you are wondering if there's any place left for legitimate bragging. There surely is. Go ahead and report it. Just be aware that it may not measure up to the historically high achievement of Mimeo standards. Please also remember, Christmas Mimeos have become about the only recorded on paper history of middle class America. Will you be content that Ashley is remembered as being first in her 3rd grade class to complete the summer reading assignment? Or, should Ashley get the full benefit of history by being remembered as placing first in her AP Summer Enhancement Reading Comprehension course having read twice as many books as her closest competitor and that she smashed the old record by some 19 tomes, several in Latin, her third language?
We look forward to receiving many more Christmas Mimeos in 2011. We're already documenting Jack's entry into King's College, Oxford as the youngest PhD candidate ever, so young that he will be taking along his private assistant to read for him, since he's slightly behind in that skill.
Merry Christmas,
Jon and Sam/Dor
JCE
